- Feel lucky, boys? - Yeah.
- You know, Ben. - That's 2 bucks.
I'm feeling luckier than you
'cause I do not have to sit through a Celine Dion concert.
That is what true love is all about, my friend.
I fold.
I see your 2, raise you 50. She's in love with you?
Are you kidding me? She's planning the wedding.
- Call. - All right, guys, read them and weep.
Got ladies over fours. Huh?
- Damn! - I have a three and an ace.
It does not get any better than this.
- Look at that. - Bennykins, I'm home.
- Hi, honey. - Hey, Andie.
- She has a key? - Is that legal?
I wasn't expecting you.
How'd you get a key?
Oh, honey, Francesco, your super, he made me a copy.
Francesco, huh?
- All right. - You're not mad, are you, Benky-wenky?
- No, I'm not mad. - You're not mad?
No, no, no, no. I'm not mad.
- Oh, good. - You know the guys? Everybody.
- Tony, Thayer, Francis. - Oh, yes.
- Watch out! Hey, hey, hey! - No, no, no, no!
Tony. Hi, Tony.
- Ronald. - Hello.
- Joe. - Joe.
- Hey. - Andie...
I didn't mean to interrupt your little game.
- We're all... - I brought some yummy snacks.
- Snacks? - The game is hold 'em.
Three up for company, ante a dollar, please.
- Tony! Yucky, yucky pizza. Yucky pizza. - Oh, no!
Yummy, yummy cucumber sandwich.
- First card up is a nine. - Thanks.
- I'll take one. - Yeah. Sure, yeah.
Good boys. Good.
Here we go. Get rid of those over there. Thank you very much.
- Three up. Three up. - I went a buck. You follow?
- Buck around the horn. - See it.
Buck around the horn. Buck around the horn.
Thanks, Benny.
Thayer!
- That means you, too, Thayer. - Oh, yeah.
All right, everyone in for a buck. Next card five.
Nines and fives. Nines and fives. That's back to you, Tito.
Nine and a seven! Go for the straight!
Round two. Tone the Bone, you're up, man.
She told you my hand.
- Peek-a-boo! - Hi.
Hey.
Guys, you wanna play cards here? What's going on?
What game are we playing?
We're playing hold 'em.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - All right.
All right. I'm already maxed out. We got a nine up. Nine up, guys.
- Nine up... - Blow.
Blow. Nobody likes a Mr. Sniffles.
- I hate Mr. Sniffles. - Come on, stuffy head.
Good. We're good.
White. Healthy boy.
- Good. - Healthy.
- Oh, no. - Are we playing?
Oh, no.
Our love fern!
It's dead!
- No, honey. It's just sleeping. - You let it die!
You gonna let us die?
You should think about that.
What the hell's a love fern?
All right, guys. Let's try to get through one hand.
Is she on something?
God, I hope so.
Hi.
Are you saying I'm some kind of mental person?
- Hey, hey. - No, no, he wasn't...
- Oh, Tony! - What?
He was talking about...
- That's it! - Come on.
- That is it! - Andie.
I'm taking this love fern with me.
Hang on.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
What just happened in there?
- I'm gonna go listen. - Yeah.
Quietly.
Look, this is getting really creepy, all right?
You're acting completely insane. You know that?
- So I am insane? - No, you're acting insane.
Shut up, Krull.
- He's an innocent animal! - Yeah, yeah.
And he'll live, okay? I'm talking to you.
I don't know if I can be with somebody who doesn't like animals
and thinks I'm a mental person.
That's what I'm talking about.
Where is the sexy, cool, fun, smart, beautiful Andie that I knew?
The one who wanted to be a serious journalist, huh?
You're up, you're down, you're here, you're there.
You're like a freaking one-woman circus, Andie.
- So I guess this means we're over. - Yeah, I guess so.
- Fine. - Fine!
Oh, finally.
- It's over, men. - Oh, man, that's...
- No, no, no. - It is, man. It's over.
- Four more days. - Guys, you were here.
Did you just witness the one-woman homage to The Exorcist?
- You saw it! Huh? - Yeah, I did. I thought it was sexy.
- Yeah. - It was not sexy.
- He's right. - Forget it. He's right.
So do you think Spears and Green
are gonna be comfortable in their new office?
- Oh, absolutely. - No, no. Guys, stop.
Maybe he's excited that he's gonna be selling Nerf footballs
- for the rest of his life. - Hey, hey, hey, hey!
He may get, like, a really good douche campaign.
- Hey, it's done. All right? What? What? - Couples therapy.
- Of course! - What?
Every time my wife wants to divorce me, I suggest couples therapy.
- It'll buy you at least four days. - It's true. She hates him.
- Couples therapy. Couples therapy. - Yeah, couples therapy.
- Couples therapy! - Couples therapy.
- Come on!
- Couples therapy! Couples therapy! - Couples therapy!
Therapy! Couples therapy!
Andie. Hold it, hold it, hold it.
Listen, can you forgive me, sugar puss? Look, I don't know what I was thinking.
All right? I'm sorry.
I am way out of line, Andie. Can you give me another chance?
Haven't you had enough?
- Hey, look, I'm willing to do anything. - Get up.
- I'll do anything, Andie. - Get up.
Look, what do you think about...
What do you think about couples therapy?
- Couples therapy? - Couples therapy.
Look, Thayer up there, he's got this doctor.
He says he's a hell of a guy.
No, I know a therapist who will work wonders
- with somebody like you, Benjamin. - Yes. That's what I need.
I will call and schedule an emergency session.
- Baby, whatever it takes. - A kiss.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Thank you for understanding.
I love you, Benky, but I don't have to like you right now.
Thank you, Andie.
Damn it! Shit!
If you're really gonna commit to this, you're gonna have to open up.
- Yeah. - And dig deep.
- Okay. - Bare that beautiful soul.
Let me see your teeth.
Andie Anderson. Benjamin Barry.
Please come in. Hi. Welcome.
Before we get started, how are you planning on paying for the session?
- Sweetie? - How much is it?
- $300. - $300?
Whatever it takes. Yeah.
So, tell me, how long have you guys been seeing each other?
- Seven days. - Seven days. Interesting.
Is that too soon to be seeing a therapist?
Well, Ben, seven days isn't like a lifetime or anything.
- It's like a week. - It...
Did you hear that tone?
How can we not have a gulf between us with a tone like that?
How are things between you sexually?
- We haven't had sex. - Oh, no, Ben has a little-bitty problem.
- I don't have a problem. - Yes, you do.
- No, I do not have a problem. - Yeah. It's a big problem.
- I do not have a problem. - You have a problem.
Look, look, wait a minute. The one night
that we even thought about getting close to having sex,
all right, she up and decides she's gonna nickname my...
- Penis. - Yeah. Princess Sophia.
You want to talk about shooting a man's horse? Come on.
- I thought it was a beautiful name. - I see, Benjamin.
And when was it that you first realized that you were attracted to other men?
- Oh, that's serious. - What?
- Benjamin, this is a safe space. - Look, it's just simple.
I like women, okay? It just happened that way.
Methinks thou doth protesteth too much.
You see? Stop it. This is the shit I'm talking about.
- What the hell was that? - What did I do?
I mean, this is what she does. Stop that!
You know, I'm hearing a lot of latent anger here, Benjamin.
- Rage-aholic. - I'm not a rage-aholic.
- I called that one. - Stop!
You know what? Take a deep breath for me, Ben.
Okay, let it go. Just let it go.
- Yeah. - I feel better.
Okay.
Come here. I've seen this before, and I've seen it many times.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Would you two like to be left alone? - No.
Maybe you should get a room.
- You are hitting on our shrink. - No, I'm not.
Yes, you are, and you are a pathological flirt!
Jesus! Five seconds ago I'm gay. Now I'm a pathological flirt.
- I sweat when I get nervous. - Which one is it, Andie?
Besides, why would I need to hit on another woman?
You've got more than enough personalities
to keep me completely occupied.
- That was hurtful. - Okay. Ben, are you ashamed of Andie?
- Of course he is! - I'm not ashamed.
- Of course he is. You are. - I'm not ashamed.
- How do you think that makes me feel? - I'm not ashamed of you.
It's like, when I talked to his mother, he freaked out.
No. You did that behind my back. She did it behind my back.
- I just wanted to say hi. - Andie, you wanna talk to my mother?
You wanna talk to my mother? Talk to my mother.
Hey, you wanna talk to the whole family, you can talk to the whole family.
Hell, we can go to Staten Island, spend the weekend with them, Andie.
Now that is a positive idea, Ben.
- It is? - How about it, Andie?
- What? - Would you like to go to Staten Island?
Uncle Ben! Hi!
- Thanks. - Yes, ma'am.
- Hey, Mom, Pop, we're here. - Yeah, bullshit!
Who's that handsome guy?
That's my dad when he was an ensign in the Navy.
He got stationed here about 10 years ago.
Bullshit!
- Hey, darling, I'm glad to see you. - Hey, sweetie, how you doing?
- Good. Perfect timing. - You know who this is?
I do, and I'll let you check the baby, see if he needs changing.
Hi, Andie. I'm so happy to have you here in the flesh.
You're just as pretty as you sound on the telephone.
- Glenda! - I'm coming! Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
- Excuse me. Show her upstairs, okay? - Oh, yeah.
- And this is Joey Jr. - Bullshit!
And the whole family suffers from Tourette's.
I hope that's not a problem.
- And Joey, here... - You're so handsome!
...suffers from being a stinky rose.
We're gonna get you cleaned up. So go out back. Have a good time.
Okay.
- Got you! - Okay!
- You're it! - He got you.
- Uncle Arnold says he's got three kings. - Yeah, right.
Okay, Uncle Arnold, now, dare I say it or not? I'm gonna just say it.
Okay, I'm gonna say it. Bullshit!
- Hi. - Honey.
- Oh, wow. - Andie!
- Well, well, well. - Come on out here, Andie.
- Meet everybody. - Okay.
- I want you to meet Ben's father. - Well, hello!
- Jack, this is Andie, Jack. - Welcome to our humble abode.
- This is our Uncle Arnold. - Hi, Uncle Arnold.
- This is Andie. - You gotta watch him.
He farts like a howitzer, but he's family, so what are you gonna do?
Intestinal complications.
- Yeah, right, Arnold. - Prunes!
Did you meet Joey?
- A female Andie. - I-E.
- Nice to meet you. - Welcome.
Okay. Here we go now. The game is Bullshit,
and you are just in time for the lightning round, my dear.
I don't really know how to play.
Well, we're gonna teach you. It's very simple.
The trick is to get rid of all the cards in your hand, all right?
So I'm gonna look at my hand I'm gonna see what I've got, here.
And well, you know, I've got two aces here.
Well, two aces. What do you say to that?
What are you gonna say?
- I say bullshit. - What did she say? I didn't quite hear.
Did you guys? I didn't hear what she said.
- I said bullshit! - All right!
- She knows how to play the game! - Yes, sir!
- Is that big daddy? - Come to Papa.
Get on over there, big man. Slick as a whistle.
- How you doing, Unc? - Not bad.
- Pop. - Hey, how you doing, buddy?
- Got a game of Bullshit going here? - You want to join us?
- Good luck. - The expert here.
Okay, now, we went through the deck. We're gonna start at the beginning now.
So we go to twos. Let's see. I got myself one deuce here.
Bullshit.
- Bullshit, Pop. - He's a human lie detector, isn't he?
Try this, son. Two threes.
- One four. - Three fives.
Bullshit.
You see whose name's on the top of the board over there?
Yes. It says Ben, with a star next to it.
- You still wanna bullshit me? - God, you must be so proud.
I'm doing my best. What do we got?
- Did I... No, I told the truth. - Three fives.
- All right, all right. - He's good. He's the champ.
- What am I? - Sixes to you.
- One six. - One six. All right.
Look what I got here. I got myself two sevens.
You see, the key to this game is being able to read people.
- Two eights. - Bullshit.
Bullshit, Mama.
I'm gonna have to hurt you.
You see, Mom's never been that great at it, but why?
- Just 'cause I'm so pure of heart. - So pure of heart.
Bullshit.
Hello? Hello, where is everybody? Hey!
This is Andie. Andie, this is my sister, Dora.
- Hi. Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
Andie is kicking Ben's ass in Bullshit.
- I like this girl. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- That's right. - Ben's starting a little card collection.
All right. Let me get back on track here. Gentle Ben starts with three ladies.
That's to you. What do you got to say about that?
Bullshit.
You heard me. I said bullshit.
What is that, seven in a row, Sparky?
I think somebody's met his match.
Well, it's all about reading people.
- Loser. - Okay. Two kings.
Bullshit?
Bullshit!
What's all that? Yeah, you!
- I'm your daddy, now. - You have met your match!
And you, Mom, Miss Pure of Heart. Pop, we'll talk later.
You're hiding behind a badge. Cheated. Betrayed by my own parents.
The only honest man in this place is Uncle Arnold, who's asleep.
- But I won! - I'm gonna go inside
and play with the kids. Maybe they won't lie, cheat and steal.
Okay, keep my name at the top of the board.
Now, Andie, I hope you know that we expect you to come back here
because you have held Ben to his lowest Bullshit score
- since his tonsillectomy... - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- ... and we are thrilled! - Lowest!
Why, were all his other girlfriends Bullshit losers?
- What other girlfriends? - Ma, he's picky.
You are the first girl he's ever brought home.
Don't you break his heart, now.
And that dress! Andie! Now, does that come in my size?
- My turn? - Yes, ma'am.
- It's heavy. - Turn it on. Good.
- Keep the clutch in. - That's the clutch?
Brake here on your right. Your gears are on the left.
- One down. - Okay.
Now, when you take off, you're gonna give a little bit on the clutch,
and then you're gonna go a little bit here. A little give, a little go.
- How's it go? - A little give and a little go?
Yeah.
Clutch! Clutch and a little brake. There we are.
- You got it? - I got it. I got it.
You got it. Voilà, voilà, voilà!
I mean, there's a lot of cool things about a bike, you know.
Use less gas, no traffic jam,
you can park wherever the hell you want.
- At the end of the day... - Thank you.
...chicks dig them.
You look so cute. Let me ask you a question.
- Chicks dig this? - Yes, chicks dig this.
- I turned! - Who's driving like a pro?
Yeah, look at you!
Look at this look.
Right. Now, this shower, it's a little bit tricky.
The hot is actually cold, the cold is actually hot.
You gotta crank it all the way up at first,
and if somebody flushes the toilet in Bayonne,
you are gonna get scalded.
Towels are right there.
Everything all right? Is this okay?
Oh, no. It's more than okay.
I love everything about this house. The noise, the smells.
Oh. Well, the smells, that's Uncle Arnold. I mean...
What's wrong?
It's just that when your mama hugged me today,
she really hugged me
for winning a game of Bullshit.
Sweetie, that's a good thing.
Smile.
Smile. Now, come on, give me a smile.
Okay, that's good. That's it. You're scaring me.
- This is home, huh? - This is home.
Hey, listen, tomorrow night my boss is throwing a party
for that diamond account I was telling you about.
I want you to come with me.
- Okay. - Okay?
Yeah.
As my girlfriend.
- Are you calling me your girlfriend? - Yeah. I think I am.
Won't tomorrow be the tenth day we've been seeing each other?
Maybe after that we'll know.
Listen, don't make any plans for day 13, okay?
'Cause we have a game to go to.
They're not as good as seats as you got us,
but this is game seven.
Yes?
Oh, come here.
- Okay. - Yes?
Lana,
I can't write this article.
- Is your computer broken? - I've gotten to know this guy.
Andie, do you see any patches or insignia anywhere on my clothing?
No.
It's because I'm not your Girl Scout leader, I'm your boss.
You'll write the article.
This cover is at the printer as we speak, with a special section on diamonds,
which is going to take care of my ad quota for the entire year.
I want copy on my desk in 48 hours.
- Okay, but Lana... - No "but Lana," you'll do it.
Because you're a professional.
Yes, I am.
You're beautiful.
You look pretty good, too, Sparky.
- Champagne, madame? - Thank you.
Chalk one up to couples therapy.
Some party.
You're gonna do great.
I'm gonna go to the bar and get us a couple drinks.
- Oh, good idea. - Okay?
And while I do that, would you please head over there and frost yourself?
- I can wear those? - Yes, ma'am, you can.
- Phillip! - Lana!
I don't see you at a party for ages.
Now, here you are, throwing the bash of the year.
I'm glad you could make it.
- Like them? - It suits you.
I know!
Harry Winston.
How did you get all these jewelers to agree to appear at the same fête?
- At the request of Mrs. DeLauer. - Really?
You see, Mr. DeLauer controls 70% of the world's diamonds,
and Mrs. DeLauer controls Mr. DeLauer.
- You're bad. - Enjoy.
Lana!
- And this is real? - Oh, no, no, no, no.
I insist.
- Yes, sir. - Such beauty should be celebrated.
- Isadora. - Oh, no. I'm Andie.
And a pleasure to meet you, Andie, but this is Isadora.
Turn.
Eighty-four karats, named for Isadora Duncan.
- Congratulations. You got her here. - Yup.
- But the question remains. - Does she or doesn't she?
We're gonna find out.
- An angel of God. - Thanks.
- I am Frederic. - Andie Anderson.
Well, it looks like you've got some competition, anyway.
Miss Anderson will be wearing Isadora for the evening.
- Enjoy the party, Andie. - Merci beaucoup.
- Oh, that's stunning! - Fabulous!
Excuse me. Two champagnes, please, sir.
Pardon me, young man.
Would you be kind enough to order me a whiskey sour?
Yes, ma'am, I can.
- Mrs. DeLauer? - Yes.
- I'm Ben Barry with Warren Advertising. - How do you do?
The pleasure is mine. It's nice to finally meet you.
I'm very happy to meet you, too. That's for sure.
Can I get a whiskey sour, please?
I can promise you that our presentation
will not weary you in the wrong way, Mrs. DeLauer.
I cannot wait to see what you present, Benjamin.
Ladies, do you see what I see?
Oh, Phillip, that's ridiculous. She couldn't possibly.
Don't be so sure.
She might possibly.
I think I'll go find out.
- Excuse me. You're Andie, yes? - Yes.
I'm Phillip Warren.
- Oh, you're Ben's boss. - That's right.
- Hi. Pleasure to meet you. - Pleasure to meet you.
I understand you've been an inspiration to Ben in more ways than one.
And I must say, you look rather inspired yourself.
There isn't a diamond in the room that sparkles like a woman in love.
Oh, no, no.
- I'm not in love. - No? I guess I was mistaken.
No, no, no. I mean, I just...
I mean, I've only known him for 10 days. I...
You can't... I can't be...
Ben is a very lucky man.
- Excuse me. - Yeah.
Mr. Warren, please don't tell him. Please don't tell him!
- Ben, Ben. - Hey, hello, gentlemen.
- Yeah? - She loves you, she loves you not?
- What is it? - I don't know. We'll see.
Ben!
- Mr. Warren. - Saw her, met her, she loves you.
You win. Get ready to pitch.
- All right! - Yes! Yes!
- Congratulations, point man. - I'm very proud.
So, you're the new point man on the DeLauers?
- She loves me. - Good for you.
And good for whoever she is.
- Thank you so much. - You're so very welcome.
- Gloating, are we? - Yeah. Pretty much.
- Warren told us so... - Yeah.
You don't mess with my man, Ben.
Your man Ben is a cheater.
The girl has known about the bet from the beginning.
She was playing along so Ben would win.
Tell him to enjoy his short-lived, ill-gotten victory.
We're going to talk to Warren.
No.
- Hey. - Remember us?
- Hi! - Hi.
You know, Warren is gonna come over here in a minute,
and it would be so great if you could just, you know,
like, act like you don't know anything about the bet.
I mean, if you could tell him that you really, truly love Ben, you know,
and you weren't just, you know, pretending so he would win,
that would be huge.
So what's the average Composure reader like?
Spunky, insatiable. Uppity, you bet.
If you'll excuse me, Lana,
there's a beautiful young woman in a yellow dress that I must go to.
Andie! She's my how-to girl.
- How-to? - Yes.
Right now she's doing an article called How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
- Look him straight in the eye... - Yeah, and just...
You love Ben, and you never heard anything about any bet.
- Yeah. Love, no bet. - I understand.
Awesome. That's great. Thank you. You look beautiful.
This poor schmuck she's been pretending to date,
well, not even pretending to date, she's actually dating the guy.
She's doing the most atrocious things to him.
She's actually named his...
She's named his...
You're Krull.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I ask you all kindly to be seated.
- Now that we're all suitably frosted... - Benjamin, where have you been?
- We haven't much time to play. - ... and the ladies do look lovely,
please help me give a warm welcome to our special guests of the evening,
Mr. and Mrs. Frederic DeLauer!
And now I want to introduce a true musical legend, who will perform
some of his Oscar, Grammy, Tony and Emmy award-winning songs.
Mr. Marvin Hamlisch.
Marvin!
Thank you very much. I really do...
Well, yes! Give another hand for... Marvin Hamlisch is in the house!
A lot of you out here don't know Benjamin Barry.
Well, shame on you.
'Cause he is a very talented advertising executive
and knowledgeable sports fan and a wagering enthusiast.
But, most impressively, he is one hell of a singer,
and he has prepared a little musical snack
for his new special friend Mrs. DeLauer.
Oh, isn't that wonderful?
So, Ben, why don't you come up here and sing your song?
Come on, Ben!
Ladies and gentlemen, Benjamin Barry!
Come on, Ben.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Andie, Andie, whoa, whoa, don't run off. Don't run off!
Ladies and gentlemen, you do not want this young lady to leave the room.
Thayer, Tony, would you stop her, please?
You see, tonight, the really special event
is that we will be singing, her and I, a duet.
Yes! Miss Andie Anderson!
Would you please give her a warm round of applause! Thank you!
Andie! Andie Anderson.
Knock them out.
Let's see what our song tonight will be. Maybe one of her personal favorites.
Marvin, do you know You're So Vain?
That's not one of my songs.
Can you work with me, Marvin? Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
You walked into the party
Like you were walking onto a yacht
You had your hat pulled down real strategically over one eye
You had a scarf I think it was apricot
- Strategically tipped below one eye. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You had one eye in the mirror
As you make sure you got a real cool...
- Gavotte. - Gavotte? Yeah.
And all the girls think that they'd be your partner
They'd be his partner 'cause
He's so vain
You probably think this song is about you
Ben Barry, you're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you?
Tone-deaf and drunk is not a good combination.
You fooled me to win a bet and you should feel ashamed
Look, you took me to a goddamn Celine Dion concert
You made me miss the big game!
Oh, smart guy's a rhymer
Well, do we want everybody to know your lovemaking is lame?
Maybe 'cause you named my penis
Yeah, you named my penis
You named my penis after a dame!
I really think you have to get over that.
- Come on. You're so vain! - No, you're so vain!
This is the worst thing I've ever heard.
You know that this song's about you, don't you?
- No! Because you're so vain! - So vain! You're so vain!
Yeah, you do know the words so well, don't you?
There she goes, ladies and gentlemen. There she goes.
- Thanks, guys. - Take it from here, Marvin.
Wasn't she wearing the Isadora diamond?
Isadora! Mon dieu! Security!
No, no, no, no.
Hold on, Andie Anderson. I'm not done with you.
You used me to get ahead in your work...
- I used you? - ... you arrogant, backstabbing jerk!
- Hold it! Lady, hold it! - Come on, Andie.
All right, you drove me half insane for a goddamn magazine article.
Oh, yeah, and you told people you could make any girl fall in love with you,
- and I, I was exhibit A. - Ma'am?
Time out!
- What? - What?
Look, please, just give me the necklace.
Then you guys can go on and kill each other.
So that's what I was, huh? I was a guinea pig.
Somebody you could test your theories on?
Yeah, and I was just a girl somebody picked out in a bar.
Yeah, you know what? Big deal.
Hell, I'm sure now you can even use it as a little twist in your story.
That's a good idea. Maybe we should bet on it.
You know what? You did your job now, Andie.
- Yes, I did. - You wanted to lose a guy in 10 days.
Congratulations. You did it. You just lost him.
No, I didn't, Ben.
'Cause you can't lose something you never had.
Well, it's not what I expected.
It's better.
Congratulations.
This shows me you're ready to be unleashed.
From now on, feel free to write about anything.
Anything?
Wherever the wind blows you.
- Even politics? - The wind's not going to blow you there.
What about religion, poverty, economics?
This wind is really more of a light breeze.
- What can I write about, Lana? - Whatever you want.
Shoes, laser therapy, dressing for your body type.
Use your imagination. The sky is the limit.
- Thank you for this opportunity, Lana. - Okay.
And thank you for making it easy for me to turn down.
No, I mean, look, it's not something I'm proud of.
Obviously, if I could do it over again,
I'd do some things differently, you know.
I tell you, it's good to talk to you, though, man. It really is.
I know it. You are the only one that knows us both.
Yeah.
You wanna go?
You wanna go to the game?
Well, go ahead, 'cause I'm not going.
Seventh and final game, in what has been a classic series...
Sweetie, I wouldn't have gone either.
I mean, I would have liked to have gone, but you probably wouldn't let me.
You're doing the right thing.
Oh, sweetie.
There's the Chinese.
I'm coming!
- Okay, so that's gonna... - Michelle.
Andie, that wasn't the Chinese. It's Mike.
- Mike! - Yeah. What do I do? What do I do?
Talk to him.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
Mike?
Mike!
- Hi. - Hi.
So, what are you doing here?
I don't know, exactly.
It was last night, I was...
I was just lying there and trying to sleep.
And you know that perfume you sprayed on my pillow?
- Oh, yeah. - Well, that smell is gone now.
And, Michelle, I want it back.
I don't know if you can have it back.
Right.
Yeah.
Okay.
But I'm willing to consider it.
Okay. Yeah.
- These are for you. - Thank you.
Hi. Hi.
Oh, my God!
- We could... - I remember where you live.
Who needs men?
Ladies, frost yourselves.
And cut it! Very nice!
Okay, let's go. One more. Right away, people.
We'll keep working on it. Tim, can I see playback?
Open me, Ben.
- Please, break my binding. Please! - Jesus, get that out of here, man.
- You might want to read this. - No, thanks.
Okay.
"I've lost a guy and I don't know why.
"What went wrong?
"When I started writing this month's column,
"I wanted to commit those certain, silly dating faux pas.
"What I didn't realize
"was that I was making the biggest mistake of all. "
Here. Trust me.
Read it.
Come on set.
Andie Anderson.
- Excuse me, ma'am. - Holy crap!
- Where's Andie Anderson? - She's not here.
- Where is she? - She quit.
She's got an interview in Washington.
- When's she leaving? - Today.
- When? - Well, like, now.
- You're not a therapist, are you? - Oh, no.
Good job, though.
You owe me 300 bucks.
Andie!
- Ben! - Pull over, we need to talk!
Are you trying to get yourself killed?
If that's what it takes, yeah! Now pull over the cab!
Sir? Excuse me, sir. Could you please pull the car over?
We're in the middle of a bridge, lady. I can't pull the car over here.
Okay, well, then do you have an ashtray or something I can throw up in?
Hey, lady!
Watch it, broad!
- What the hell was that? - Is this true?
Ben, please.
Is this true or are you just trying to sell magazines?
I meant every word.
Well, where are you going?
- I have an interview. - Yeah, in Washington. I know.
Where are you going?
Ben it's the only place I can go and write what I want to write.
No, I'm not buying that.
You can write anywhere.
I think you're running away.
Why don't you save your mind games for your next bet, okay?
I am not running away.
Bullshit.
Excuse me?
You heard me.
Bullshit.
Hey, lady, what do you wanna do?
Take the lady's luggage back to her place.
She has alternate transportation.
You calling my bluff?
You bet I am.
- Look who made the trip with me. - It's our love fern!
Oh, Benny Boo-Boo Boo-Boo-Boo!